Before answering the request, please allow me to make other suggestions which should assist you in your writing.
- You need a "hook" or a "motivator" as your opening sentence, not a definition. For example: On college campuses today, one student may mistake another for an instructor because today's students are of all ages. [Then begin with defining traditional and non-traditional]
- When writing a research paper, objectivity is, of course, expected. Therefore, it is best to employ the 3rd person at all times. So, change any first person pronouns (e.g. "we") to third person. For instance,
- A research paper is a formal paper, so avoid all contractions (i.e. don't, can't) and write out such things as twenty-four year old student, (not 24 year old)
- Please note that you wrote "they're" for their
- Be sure to use statistics and surveys as documentation. For instance, what is the percentage of non-traditional students as compared to traditional at certain universities? Report thoroughly on studies giving percentages, etc. of what different students major in, how long it takes them, etc. Your paper should show much evidence of your having truly researched the topic. (I think you need many MORE supporting details--this is a research paper, so the emphasis needs to be on your research and what you learned from it. Cite numbers, percentages, groups surveyed, etc. Give details!)
- Use more transitional words to connect sentences. Vary sentence beginnings. Also, use words that show contrasts such as--unlike, in contrast, on the other hand, while traditional students .....non-traditional ....; traditional students .......; on the other hand, non-traditional students .....
Now, if you will return to this question, the format for your essay is given to you there:
This format is taken from The Practical Writer, a text that is used by many a high school and college instructors. If you will please make the "blueprint" and follow it, you will have an organized essay. The thesis sentence should lay out the blueprint from which the topic sentences are taken. Here is your thesis statement: >Traditional and nontraditional students are uniquely different by the causal factors of family, perception, and responsibilities.
1."casual factors of family" should be more concretely stated. (i.e. What do you mean by "casual factors"?--use a more concrete phrases, okay? Do you mean they are more involved with members of their family? family involvement?)
2."perception" is also a little vague. Do you mean attitudes towards attaining a college degree? (I would not use the word perception)
3. responsibilities is clear.
These 3 concepts are the blueprint for the body of the essay. You will form a topic sentence for each paragraph using one of these 3 words. Then you provide supporting details: facts, statistics, examples. And, this will be your essay. Follow the body with a conclusion.
--You may want to lay out your research and place it in three "stacks" or folders where you know what goes with each topic sentence
--After you write each topic, sentence find what research relates to the topic sentence. Do not use anything that does not relate (Doing this will make your essay coherent)
Thesis statement revised: >Traditional and nontraditional college students are uniquely different because of their personal and socio-economic positions, their attitudes toward attaining an education, and their personal obligations and responsibilities.
--Topic sentence (1) Traditional college students differ from non-traditional ones in their personal and social positions. Most come from families that have one or more parent who has a degree, they have encouraged their children in education, and talked to them about their future at college. On the other hand, non-traditional students have been uninterested in going directly to college, or they or their parents have not been able to afford higher education, or they received no encouragement from parents. A recent study by ______ revealed the following information: [here is where you report on surveys and studies, documenting what the topic sentence declares.] Another report revealed that non-traditional students ______ (Use 3 or 4 different studies, reports, interviews, etc. as support. The more support you have, the stronger your argument is and the better your essay will be.) Then, the last sentence of the paragraph should contain a transition to the next. e.g.These differences in familial and socio-economic backgrounds often affects the students' attitudes.
--Topic sentence (2) Non-traditional students often differ greatly from traditional students in their attitude toward attending college. Whereas many younger college students are very excited about the social life on campus where they live and perceive this as equally as important as attending classes, non-traditional students often do not live on campus and their focus is more upon the academics and the attainment of a degree. In a study by __________, younger students were less goal-orientated. They felt that -------But, non-traditional students who were on the average X years older stated that their main purpose was ------------
(Add support, support. Then make a transitional sentence to the next paragraph) You can also contrast what types of majors each group are. The adult students tend to seek more marketable majors, for instance.
--Topic sentence (3) Perhaps, the sharpest contrast among traditional and non-traditional college students is in the area of responsibilities.For, it has been documented that ninety percent (find what the real percentage is--I am just making this up for the purpose of example) of students who enroll in college the year following their high school graduation are single with no children and have no personal responsibilities other than for themselves. On the other hand,non-traditional students are composed of those who have jobs and families. XXX reports from 2010 that --percent of non-traditional students have spouses and ---have both a spouse and one or more children. With these added responsibilities, non-traditional students have less time to focus on their studies. Yet, in X number of cases, they have made better grades than average in their coursework.
(You can also mention that sometimes adult students must take fewer hours than the traditional student because they must work or care for a family. Therefore, they take longer to graduate.)
Again, provide copious supporting details from studies, surveys, articles, etc. An essay is like a house: it must be built on a strong foundation [thesis] and have strong supporting "beams" [surveys, studies, statistics, etc]
--Concluding paragraph: Simply reword the thesis and tie your ideas together with a "clincher": an observation based on what you have written that extends the argument you have made to an interesting thought.
Here is an example of a conclusion: Because non-traditional and traditional students have such differing beginnings to their college education, they are often motivated differently and have different priorities and goals. Certainly, with the support, both emotional and financial, from their parents, traditional students have an easier transition into college. But, the adult student who is self-motivated to elevate him or herself in life can often overcome obstacles to completing a college education as studies herein have demonstrated, and successfully attain a degree and find a lucrative and satisfying job in life. (Be sure to work in the points you have made; I may have put something you have not proven or supported)
Note: As an instructor of writing for many years, I would grade your paper on (1) the organization of your essay--how well it is written, how coherent it is, how strong and viable its argument is, and how well this argument is supported with language and research, and (2) the documentation that you provide--its accuracy, relevance, and variety.
So, you will revise and insert MUCH more documentation with studies, surveys, etc. Good Luck! Spend time on this, and do not be afraid to revise, revise, revise. This is the most important phase of writing. By the way, I congratulate you for desiring to do well.
Let’s pretend you wrote the following as a working thesis statement for your persuasive essay:
Global climate change has been debated for many years.
Do you think this is a persuasive thesis statement? (HINT: Say “no”!)
- NO: The thesis statement is a fact. It is not persuasive and not debatable.
If you answered “yes” and felt the thesis was persuasive, or if you answered “no” but couldn’t explain why the thesis isn’t effective, you might want to take time to review the basics of a thesis statement.
If you answered “no” and understand exactly why the above thesis isn’t persuasive, it’s probably a good idea to review thesis statements anyway. (After all, a little review never hurt anyone, right?)
If you just need a brief refresher on the finer points of a thesis statement, here are a few quick facts:
30 Persuasive Thesis Statement Examples
Now that you’ve reviewed thesis statement basics, let’s look at the examples. In this post, I’ve provided 30 persuasive essay topics and corresponding persuasive thesis statement examples.
I’ve also included links to example essays to provide a bit of writing inspiration. (If you’d like to see the information in table format, click the link at the end of this list.)
As you review these topics and persuasive thesis statement examples, keep this in mind: when you’re writing a persuasive essay, your thesis statement should attempt to convince your audience of your point of view.
In other words, it needs to be debatable. So as you write your own thesis statement, consider your stance on the subject and how you might craft a thesis statement that’s appropriate for your own essay.
Now on to those 30 persuasive thesis statement examples I promised!
1. Is a college education necessary?
A college education is not the right choice for everyone, as many students graduate with a large amount of student debt and limited job opportunities.
2. Does Facebook (or other forms of social media) create isolation?
College students who overuse Facebook may have interactive online lives, but in reality, they are more isolated than ever because they are missing out on true face-to-face interaction with their peers.
3. Should guns be permitted on college campuses?
Guns should not be permitted on college campuses due to the increased likelihood of violence and criminal activity.
4. Do kids benefit if everyone on the team receives a trophy?
Handing out trophies to everyone on a team has created a generation of children who feel entitled.
5. Is society too dependent on technology?
Due to increasing over-dependence on technology, many people struggle to think for themselves.
6. Should all high school students be required to complete parenting classes?
In order to both educate teens about life as a parent and to help prevent teenage pregnancy, high school students should be required to complete parenting classes.
7. Does the school day start too early?
Starting the school day at a later time will help increase students’ attentiveness because they will get more sleep and be more alert and focused in class.
8. Should the minimum wage be increased?
With the cost of living continually rising, minimum wage must be raised to help workers out of poverty.
9. Should elementary schools teach cursive handwriting?
Though many elementary schools no longer teach cursive handwriting, it is still an essential form of communication that should be taught in schools.
10. Should childhood vaccinations be mandatory?
Childhood vaccinations should be mandatory, as they are safe, reduce the risk of illness, and protect other people from contagious diseases.
11. Are security cameras an invasion of privacy?
Though security cameras are a necessary and valued part of society, strict regulations need to be mandated in order to maintain citizens’ rights to privacy.
12. Should citizens be allowed to keep exotic pets?
People should not be allowed to keep exotic pets, as it is unhealthy for the animal, dangerous for the owner, and dangerous for the community.
13. Should a relaxed dress code be allowed in the workplace?
A relaxed dress code is not appropriate in many business offices because it creates a relaxed and casual atmosphere that may cause customers to lose confidence in the business.
14. Is it ethical to sentence juveniles as adults?
Adolescents’ brains are not fully developed, and they are not yet capable of making adult decisions; thus, adolescents should not be sentenced as adults.
15. Should corporations be allowed to advertise in schools?
Advertising should not be allowed in public schools as it perpetuates a perceived importance on materialism.
16. Should public transportation be free for all residents of a city?
Free public transportation is a key step in reducing unemployment rates.
17. Is professional football too dangerous for players?
Due to recent discoveries about chronic traumatic encephalopathy (CTE), the rules of professional football need to change in order to protect players’ health.
18. Should minors be allowed to get tattoos (if they have parental permission)?
Even with parental permission, minors should not be allowed to get tattoos, as minors are likely to later regret the choice as adults.
19. Should fracking be banned?
Due to the environmental damage it causes, fracking should be banned.
20. Should a college education be free for everyone?
Though some argue that free college education will increase graduation rates, in actuality, free tuition will have little impact on the present rates of graduation.
21. Should all violence be banned from children’s programming?
Evidence indicates that children mimic and internalize television programming, and because viewing violence can affect their emotional health, children’s programming should not contain any form of violence.
22. Should the paparazzi be required to give celebrities some amount of privacy?
Though the paparazzi should be allowed to photograph celebrities in public places, they should respect the right of celebrities not to be filmed on private property.
23. Does the US welfare system need to be reformed?
Due to the rampant abuse of welfare benefits by recipients, welfare needs to be reformed to create temporary, rather than permanent, assistance programs for those in need.
24. Should bilingual education be implemented in more schools across the US?
In order to help children learn English yet value their native languages, bilingual education should be implemented in schools across the United States.
25. Should students be required to volunteer in their communities in order to graduate from high school?
Though some students claim they do not have time to volunteer, being a volunteer teaches students compassion, empathy, and the importance of civic engagement, and should be required for high school graduation.
26. Is the fast food industry to blame for childhood obesity?
Though fast food is often high in calories and low in nutritional content, people cannot blame obesity on the fast food industry; individuals must be responsible for their own diets.
27. Can schools prevent cyber bullying?
Even though schools can educate children and regulate technology within the school, children and teens have access to technology outside of the classroom, making it almost impossible for the education system to truly stop cyber bullying.
28. Is an online education as good as a traditional education?
An online education is just as valuable as a traditional education, as online courses include the same content as traditional classes and have the added advantage of teaching students the importance of time management.
29. Should stem cell research be permitted?
Because of the enormous potential to both treat disease and save lives, embryonic stem cell research should not only be permitted but should also receive additional funding.
30. Should pet stores be required to sell rescue animals?
In order to stop the inhumane practices of breeders and reduce overcrowding in animal shelters, pet stores should be required to sell cats and dogs from adoption centers or shelters.
Click here to download this list of persuasive thesis statements as a PDF table.
Time to Write!
You’ve reviewed thesis statements. You’ve reviewed persuasive essays and persuasive essay topics. You’ve even reviewed persuasive thesis statement examples (and maybe even read some additional thesis examples).
Now the only things left are to choose your topic, craft your thesis, and begin prewriting and drafting.
If you need additional thesis statement help before you begin writing, check out these resources:
Remember: Kibin editors are always willing to review your paper (and your thesis statement).
Psst... 98% of Kibin users report better grades! Get inspiration from over 500,000 example essays.