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Peer Edit Narrative Essay

The difference between the right word and the almost right word is the difference between lightning and a lightning bug.– Mark Twain

Why write a narrative?

I like to begin my ENG 101 class with the narrative essay. I call it an essay, but in my ENG 101 class, it is really a short story. The narrative has a twofold purpose. Because students are writing about an important event in their lives, students find it easy to write helping them get acclimated to college writing and expectations. And, since students are sharing about their own lives, the narrative helps me get to know them more personally building community in the class.

How to write the narrative?
  1. Narrative Essay – College Consortium Online Textbook
  2. Descriptive Essay - College Consortium Online Textbook
  3. Begin by identifying events in your life that taught you important life lessons. These events should have changed you somehow. We will be peer editing these papers in this class, so be sure to pick a topic that you feel comfortable sharing with other students.
  4. Once you identify the event, write down what happened. Focus on the actual event. You do not need to provide a complete build up to it. For example, if I am telling a story about an experience at camp, I do not need to provide readers with a history of my camp experiences, nor do I need to explain how I got there, what we ate each day, how long it lasted, etc. Readers need enough information to understand the event. So, I do not need to provide information about my entire summer if the event only lasts a couple of days.
  5. Utilize descriptions. As writers, we want our readers to experience this event as we did. We want to bring it to life. Descriptions put the reader in the moment. Make sure they are active descriptions, however. Do not simply tell the reader that it was exciting. You need to describe the event in such a way that the readers get excited. Do not simply state that it was hot. Provide a description so that readers think that it is hot.
  6. Use active voice. Active voice puts readers in the moment. They experience events as they happen. Think of a horror story where you experience running from the psychotic murderer right along with the hero. Here is an example of active voice:
    • "Nothing moved but a pair of squirrels chasing each other back and forth on the telephone wires.I followed one in my sight. Finally it stopped for a moment and I fired" (Wolff)
    • The verbs are all in active voice creating a sense of immediacy: moved, followed, stopped, fired.
  7. Use passive voice sparingly to add variety and slow things down. Here is an example of passive voice:
    • I had been aiming at two old people, a man and a woman, who walked so slowly that by the time they turned the corner at the bottom of the hill my little store of self-control was exhausted" (Wolff)
    • Passive voice uses the verb 'to be' along with an action verb: had been aiming, was exhausted.
  8. Once you have completed a draft, work on the pace of your story. Make sure you have included only the details that support your story. Get rid of any description that gets in the way of your story's flow. Use active voice as much as possible. Make sure your descriptions are vivid and clear. Remember to that people have five senses. You can appeal to the reader's sense of smell, taste, sight, sound, feel. Choose the memory that is the most vivid for you.
  9. Avoid cliches and idioms: the passion burns, as red as a rose, as big as a house, etc.
  10. Avoid giving inanimate objects emotions they do not possess: the evil flames licked the side of the house. Fire is deadly and can be devastating, but it is not evil.
  11. BE HONEST! Tell the story the way you would naturally tell it and not the way you think your teacher might tell it. Avoid what you think might be impressive language. Be exact in your descriptions. If you want to describe someone's hair, call it hair. Don't use tresses because that word sounds more sophisticated.
  12. Be Concise: Don’t get bogged down in in passive tense or long-winded sentences. Always remember: there is no exact way to write a story. Always think in terms of the point you are making. Does the information help make that point or does it get in the way.
  13. Avoid Awkward Language: Read your papers out loud. You can hear a sentence that sounds awkward or bad. You may not catch it reading it quietly.
    • Sample Awkward sentence: There are profound differences between the two types of personalities that scientists are just beginning to find out
    • Cleaner/More Concise: Scientists are just discovering profound differences between the two personality types.
  14. Redundancy: don’t be redundant!!! Now is the time to start building your vocabulary. Use a thesaurus and find better, more accurate words.
  15. Vary sentences: Don’t begin your sentences with the same word. Vary sentence beginnings, endings, lengths, and styles
  16. Point Of View: Be consistent in your point of view. Remember you are telling the story, so it should be in first person. Do not use second person.
  17. Consistent Tense: Write this in past tense. It doesn't work to try to write it in present tense since it already happened. Make sure you stay in past tense.
Sample Narratives

"On Being a Real Westerner" by Tobias Wolff

"Memento Mori" by Jonathan Nolan

"Coming into Language" by Jimmy Santiago Baca

"Shooting an Elephant" by Georgge Orwell

"Where the Danger Is" Student Narrative

Formatting the Narrative
  1. Be sure and utilize MLA formatting for the paper:
      • 1" margins all around the paper.
      • Double spaced
      • A header on the top right hand corner 1/2" from the top of the paper should include:
      • Last name and then leave a space and the page number
      • On the first page on the left hand side include:
        • Your full name
        • My Name
        • Course Title
        • Date
      • Be sure and type both the rough draft and final essay.
      • Click on the image below to see the full-scale version of the first page of an MLA formatted paper.

Wolff, Tobias. "On Being a Real Westerner." Radford Universeity. Web, 8 July 2013.

Writing the Narrative

  • Write a 2-3 page narrative/description
    • Make sure it is on an important event in your life.
    • Make sure you pick an event that caused you to learn an important life lesson.
    • You should pick an event that caused you to change and grow in some way.
    • Although you certainly do not have to write on something negative, most great steps or leaps in learning have resulted from negative events.  
    • That is the only good thing that comes from negative events.
    • Some of your best writing will come from them too.
  • Once you have written your rough draft, upload here.
  • Then click on the 'Next' button.
  • Use the "Editing Sheet" on the next page to edit your paper. The questions on the edit sheet are designed to help edit your paper and catch common mistakes that students make.


This work is licensed under a Creative Commons Attribution 4.0 International License by Lynn McClelland.

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Overview

From Theory to Practice

 

OVERVIEW

"I liked your story about you and Paul. I think you should add a little more detail and you should change the end two sentences so it will sound better."

Sound familiar? This student response to a peer's draft is all too typical of the way untrained students give feedback on each other's drafts during response groups. The PQP technique—Praise–Question–Polish—requires group members to take a turn reading their drafts aloud as the other students follow along with copies. This oral reading helps the writer to hear the piece in another voice and to identify possible changes independently. The responders then react to the piece by writing specific comments guided by questions on the PQP form, which require specific examples of praiseworthy elements, questions the responders have about the draft, and specific suggestions for improvement.

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FROM THEORY TO PRACTICE

In a national survey of 560 otherwise successful teachers of writing and 715 of their students, Sarah W. Freedman (1985) found that many teachers grieved over the use of peer review groups because they had difficulty getting students to respond effectively to one another's writing. Vague comments such as the one at the beginning of this lesson proliferate. The students, too, complained about the writing responses, saying that their peers rarely offered substantial help with their writing. The result is that such vague comments rarely translate into effective revisions, and this is unfortunate because when students receive concrete suggestions for revisions, they do revise with the suggestions in mind (Ziv, 1983).

The organizational technique PQP-Praise-Question-Polish (Neubert, 1986) helps students focus on the task at hand as well as maintain a positive attitude toward the peer-review process.

Further Reading

This lesson was adapted from: Neubert, Gloria A., and Sally J. McNelis. "Peer Response: Teaching Specific Revision Suggestions." English Journal 79.5 (September 1990): 52-56.

 

Sarah W. Freedman. 1985. The Role of Response in Acquisition of Written Language. Berkeley, CA: California UP.

 

Nina D. Ziv. "Peer Groups in the Composition Classroom: A Case Study." Conference on College Composition and Communication. (March, 1983): 17-19.

 

Neubert, Gloria A. and Sally J. McNelis. "Improving Writing in the Disciplines." Educational Leadership 43.7 (1986):54-58.

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